Love and Dating ... in North Korea
This updated version of Love & Sex in North Korea was originally written by LiNK for Koreaboo.
According to historians who are really good at remembering when things happened in the olden days, sex and love existed before the Internet was even invented. Before 56K dial-up, phones, and even Tinder, humans found ways to interact completely offline and engage in sexual activity. In fact, biologists believe that the human proclivity for sex is universal and plays a major role in producing baby humans, thereby maintaining the human race’s existence. (Go humans!)
So could it be that in North Korea too, people have sex and fall in love and do romantic things with each other?
According to North Korean refugees that I’ve worked with, the answer is: Yes. North Koreans have sex too.
So, how do North Koreans do it?
First of all, the baseline to understand is that overall North Korean dating culture is pretty traditional and conservative. Think South Korea, but 50 years ago. One of the reasons for this is, well, North Korean society is quite conservative and patriarchal in general and North Korean media is super old-fashioned. In North Korean films you don’t see couples kissing or being physically affectionate with each other, so many North Koreans are just not used to PDA and wouldn’t dream of being too affectionate or kissing in public.
Nonetheless North Koreans do meet and date and fall in love like everywhere else. A lot of it starts in school (awww) and people also meet at dances or house parties. That’s right, when the parents are out of town young urban North Koreans will often invite a bunch of friends over and have a party. Once ‘the eyes have met’ the boy often has to do a lot of the pursuing. And guys, spare a thought for our brothers there: Only about 10% of North Koreans have a mobile phone. So for most, it has to be done the old fashioned way.
Either you have to pre-arrange to meet ‘10 trees away from the school gate at 7pm on Wednesday’ or you have to take the risk of going to their house. The danger, of course, is that you knock on the door and their mother answers, causing all that (traditional Asian) embarrassment. So a common trick is to knock and wait for someone to call out “Who is it?” If it’s the mother you say “I’ve come for Eun-kyung” (even though your girlfriend’s name is something else) and pretend you got the wrong house. If your girlfriend answers, then you can say, “It’s me! Come out!” Nicely done.
Finding a place to date isn’t so hard; people hang out in the park, or by the river, or around the market. But it’s when you need a bit more privacy that things get more difficult. The vast majority of young North Koreans live in their parents house until they get married (even more so than South Koreans) so there is no privacy at home. So when the relationship heats up, young couples will often go to the North Korean equivalent of a love motel, which is basically paying a middle-aged women to clear out of their own house for a few hours so the couple can get it on. A more risky space for a frisson might be a storage room with an unlocked door, or even a train toilet.
However, there’s a problem here...well, a few in fact. Sex education is almost non-existent in North Korea. And contraceptive pills and condoms can be hard to come by, too (you can’t just stop by the closest 24-hour convenience store). I have a friend who used to smuggle goods from China to sell in North Korea, and she says she saw a pregnancy test for the first time in 2007. She of course promptly smuggled some in to sell to North Korean women. This combination of factors unfortunately leads to a lot of unplanned pregnancies and risky abortions amongst unmarried women.
Like other aspects of North Korean culture, dating culture is not static. And as with other social changes, one of the major drivers is the influx of foreign media being smuggled in on DVDs and USB drives, and now even Micro-SD cards. In fact, one of the reasons South Korean dramas and films are so popular is because, in contrast to North Korean government-produced films, they show compelling human stories of love and relationships, and have addictive plotlines. If all you had access to was government propaganda your whole life and then suddenly you heard that your friends had access to this amazing new foreign stuff, you might risk watching it too.
In the first few viewings, these simple South Korean soaps can be revelatory: The PDA, the attitudes of the female characters, even the way they talk and dress. The love story in the Korean drama Winter Sonata, which is credited with starting the Korean Wave across Asia, is still remembered fondly by many North Korean refugees.
Similarly when My Sassy Girl was smuggled in many young women who watched it were driven to imitate not just Jeon Ji-hyun’s fashion and hairstyle, but also the confident and cool way in which her character treats her boyfriend. (And of course in the background of these films and dramas, North Korean viewers can’t help but notice that South Korea looks way richer than North Korea). These information changes are confounding economic changes in their effects on gender relations, as bottom-up marketization has raised the status of women as they play a key role in illegal and semi-legal entrepreneurial business activities.
Humans being humans, porn is also being smuggled into North Korea. And without getting too PG-13, it would be fair to assume that this also opens up and accelerates changes in behaviour between the sheets as well.
It’s worth noting that despite a big growth in flows of foreign media over the last 10 years it is still limited, and especially in the countryside and in the interior of the country away from the border with China, people have much less access (if at all). So there is huge regional variation in North Korea and dating culture will still be very traditional and conservative in the countryside, whilst changing rather quickly in Pyongyang and other major cities and border towns. In addition, young Pyongyangites also mostly have mobile phones now, meaning fewer nervous knocks on doors.
Because of the government’s ongoing restrictions on culture and extreme paranoia over foreign media, North Korea was late to the sexual revolution. But it is now happening, and it is no trivial matter. The emulation of dating culture learned through South Korean and other foreign media, particularly among young urban North Koreans, is contributing to increased sensitivity to foreign trends and a liberalization and modernization of culture and society from the bottom up. And in the long run, it’s this kind of social change that will help usher in a wider transformation and opening of North Korean society, to the benefit of the North Korean people and humanity as a whole.
--SOKEEL PARK - director of research and strategy
Liberty In North Korea’s 2025 Annual Report
Helping North Korean People Win Their Freedom
We’re excited to share LiNK’s 2025 Annual Report—a celebration of the work we accomplished together alongside a global movement of support for the North Korean people.
2025 Impact Highlights
- 17 rescued
- 22 resettled
- 122 supported in resettlement
- 144 empowered through LiNK programs
- $4,214,232 raised
- 11,833,136 reached ONLINE
- 2,746+ reached IN-PERSON
- 7 information access projects
Read the full 2025 Annual Report here
Our Work Towards Liberty in North Korea
- Refugee Rescues & Resettlement Support: Helping North Koreans refugees reach safety and supporting them as they rebuild their lives in freedom.
- Empowering Resettled North Koreans: Investing in the capacity of North Koreans to succeed and work towards changing the future of their country.
- Increasing Information Access for North Koreans: Developing and distributing tailored technology and content to help North Koreans access more uncensored information more safely.
- Global Awareness & Advocacy: Amplifying North Korean refugee voices to reshape how the world sees this issue and mobilize a global movement of support.
Note From Our CEO
It's been 20 years since my first visit to the border of North Korea and China.
To this day, I vividly remember Stitch—a 6-year-old boy I met on that trip, just days after his parents were caught and repatriated to North Korea. I still remember the silly faces he made at us as we were leaving the shelter that night. Perhaps it was a way to hide a grief he couldn't yet understand, or maybe he was just being a little boy. Later on, I thought about his mother. I couldn't begin to imagine how she must have felt being forced back across the border to a fate unknown, wondering if she would ever see her son again. That night changed everything for me. And for the last two decades, it has never let me go.
This past year, as I reflected on stories like Stitch’s that have stayed with me over the years, I was reminded that the urgency on this issue has not diminished.
Life inside North Korea remains profoundly difficult. Last year, in a follow-up to a landmark UN human rights report on North Korea from 11 years ago, it was found that “since 2014, control by the Government over its citizens has tightened increasingly. Under laws introduced since 2015, citizens have been subjected to increased surveillance and control in all parts of life. No other population is under such restrictions in today’s world.”
The regime continues to maintain near-total control through pervasive surveillance, arbitrary detention, torture, forced labor, and the increased use of public executions. All of this is happening while our attention is understandably pulled toward other crises at home and abroad. But just because it isn't in our daily newsfeed doesn't mean it isn't happening in North Korea every single day.
In 2025, the North Korean human rights movement faced its greatest crisis in decades. NGOs vital to the movement and on the frontlines—rescuing refugees, sending information into the country, and documenting abuses—were forced to downsize or potentially shut down due to a sudden collapse in funding and dramatic shifts in policy. According to reports, the North Korean government was watching all of this closely. They saw the weakening of these NGOs as a strategic advantage.
And yet, in the face of these challenges, your support made it possible for us to launch an emergency campaign to raise funds for four frontline organizations fighting to survive, while continuing our own work in these areas.
Together, we brought 17 North Korean refugees to freedom, and celebrated the milestone of our 1,400th rescue. Each one required navigating a landscape that has grown more difficult every year with China’s rapid expansion of biometric security systems and AI-enabled surveillance. On the other side of that journey, 22 people were newly resettled and began rebuilding their lives, while our team continued supporting 122 individuals in their resettlement.
We invested in 144 North Korean storytellers, advocates and leaders through our programs, equipping them with scholarships, language skills, leadership and advocacy training, and a community that believes in them. Two Advocacy Fellows traveled across the country, speaking at universities and Fortune 500 companies and meeting with congressional offices on Capitol Hill. Scholarship recipients completed graduate programs and are going on to shape policy: one recently received a fully-funded PhD offer; another will begin teaching international relations in Tokyo this spring. These are not just personal victories but the emergence of leaders who are working to change the future of their country.
We also made a significant bet on something we believe could irreversibly change the course of this issue: technology designed specifically for the North Korean context. We advanced seven information access projects last year, with the support of 68 North Korean defector collaborators helping us develop and test tools that give citizens safer access to far more uncensored information than a single thumb drive could ever carry, alongside digital security tools to protect them from the regime's surveillance. These are significant advances. But they are only the beginning.
We are so grateful for the ways you have shown up and supported the North Korean people year after year. This work belongs to all of us—and none of it would be possible without you.
As a North Korean friend reminded us last year, “Freedom is not given, but it is something we can achieve.”
Thank you for your shared belief in this vision. Together, we can see it happen in our lifetime.
With unwavering hope,
Hannah Song
CEO, Liberty in North Korea
Refugee Rescues & Resettlement Support
While escape from inside North Korea remains almost impossible, there is an urgent need to help North Korean refugees hiding in China, many who have been living in uncertainty for years. Liberty in North Korea ensures a safe and dignified pathway, without cost or condition, for North Korean refugees who make the brave decision to seek freedom.
In 2025, we’re grateful to have welcomed 17 North Korean refugees and their children to freedom, and celebrated the milestone of our 1,400th rescue.
On the other side of the rescue journey, LiNK helps North Koreans rebuild their lives with a strong foundation. Based on need, our team connects them to resources and services, conducts home visits, and provides financial assistance.
- 17 rescued
- 22 newly resettled
- 122 supported
“Up until the very last moment before leaving home [in China], I was terrified and hesitant. I was afraid of being arrested and worried about my family back in China. Now that I'm in South Korea, I realize I would have regretted it if I hadn't left. Living in freedom with ID feels like a dream. I'm excited to get vocational training, find a job, and adapt to South Korea well!”
– Won-mi, rescued in February 2025
Empowering Resettled North Koreans
North Korean refugees have unlimited potential, but they do not face an even playing field after arriving in South Korea or the US. We identify current challenges faced by resettled North Koreans and invest in their success through education, skill-building, and leadership opportunities.
With the right support, North Koreans consistently prove their potential and become key players in driving change. They’re reaching their academic and career goals, sending money and information back into North Korea, and building global understanding and support for this issue. This next generation of North Korean leaders, entrepreneurs, storytellers, and advocates will be the ones to determine the future of their country; LiNK’s programs grow their capacity and partner with them as agents of change.
- 144 empowered through our programs
“LiNK’s program has helped me organize my thoughts and see my story as valuable. Seeing how others gain comfort or courage through my story, I feel that my difficult experiences have become meaningful points of connection. The storytelling and presentation training I received has allowed me to speak with responsibility rather than fear.”
– Ree Ha Kim, LESP participant
Increasing Information Access for North Koreans
North Koreans live in one of the most closed and limited information environments in the world. To protect the effectiveness of their propaganda, the regime tries to maintain a complete monopoly on information and ideas inside the country. Their narratives emphasize the outside world as being dangerous and the threat of war as imminent, justifying the dictatorship and its draconian restrictions.
Increasing the North Korean people’s access to uncensored outside information is therefore one of the most effective levers for change in the country.
Liberty in North Korea works with North Korean defectors and engineers to develop tailor-made technology and content to help people inside the country access more information more safely. Empowered with the truth, North Koreans gain resilience against the regime’s propaganda and are emboldened to scrutinize the government, imagine a different future, and build pressure for change and opening.
- 7 technology projects
- 68 North Korean defector collaborators
- 80,000+ lines of code written
“This will have a major impact on the people of North Korea… Right now, because of the new law punishing so-called ‘non-socialist behavior,’ morale is very low. But if this program spreads inside North Korea, it will help people regain confidence.”
– Anonymous North Korean user tester
*In order to protect end users, partners, and our projects, we are limited in what we can share publicly.
Global Advocacy and Awareness
For decades, North Korea has been reduced to a caricature—part threat, part joke. Dictators and geopolitics dominate headlines, making the country seem hopeless and unchanging. The global community’s inattention and inaction has only helped the regime to maintain the worst dictatorship on earth.
Liberty in North Korea partners with North Koreans to build an alternative narrative focused on their perspectives, resilience, and potential. Our objective is to reshape how the world sees and responds to North Korea, increasing pressure on governments to act and mobilizing the support that the North Korean people deserve.
Participants from LiNK’s programs have gone on to contribute to South Korea’s policy towards North Korea and engage at the highest levels of international politics, including at the United Nations Security Council and in the Oval Office.
- 11,833,136 reached online
- 2,764+ reached in-person
“As an Advocacy Fellow, I discovered new parts of myself, built confidence, and learned lessons that changed the way I see the world and my own story… With these lessons as my guide, I plan to stay dedicated to the cause of North Korean human rights and remain closely connected with the people I’ve met, building a lasting bridge of solidarity together.”
– Hannah Oh, 2025 LiNK Advocacy Fellow
